sunday morning may 10th, 2020
so this morning i enjoy sweeping my front yard of last season’s oak leaves that have somehow tucked away behind our woodpile and crept around plant pots and when sudden gusts of dartmoor wind take flight, still swirl across our front doorstep… there is also a generous dusting of oak tree pollen piling up on our unused car windscreens and scattering across our driveway from our beautiful oak tree now coming into full spring pale green glory …
as i sweep i am engulfed in peace…. a deep remembrance in the bones of sweeping a long time ago… in a land far away…. a sweeping that still to this day engulfs me in love and peace and loving-kindness…..
1995
after living on the gorgeous thai island of Koh Pha Ngan on and off for afew years, in a tiny off-grid jungle community high above the beach, amidst palm trees and banana plants, wild chickens, lizards and monkeys, no electricity or running water, cooking on wood, following the changing tides with the moon, my jungle friend and i had ventured to the middle of the island by motorbike and decided to visit wat khao tham, a mountain cave monastery in the thai forest tradition that was known to run ten day vipassana retreats, mostly for partied out hippies who fancied something a bit spiritual and who leapt into the programme without quite realising the rigour and intensity of the commitment…
on the day we visited, a retreat was mid-way through and as we stumbled up the drive into the forest clearing, looking for an office or reception desk, we felt the silence everywhere, and noticed a group of zombie hippies, pacing up and down the gardens, their eyes firmly on the ground in front of them, their steps slow and hypnotic, their whole demeanour trance-like and worrying… “they look as stoned as the full moon party hippies!!! this is some weird monastery,” i thought!
no-one was available to chat about a possible future retreat, and to be honest i was pretty spooked at what i had seen, thinking maybe this was even a crazy cult!!! but….somehow, in one of those seemingly unimportant moments that one looks back on and thinks “aaaah, Great Spirit sprinkled a moment of wisdom and beauty and blessing here…….” i bought a book that outlined the main teachings of the retreat, i remember it cost several hundred baht which was a significant amount of my monthly budget… my friend asked why on earth i was buying it, that was good money that could be spent on beer… or yoghurt (homemade in the village at Yoghurt Home Cafe, sprinkled with peanuts and sold in cute little glass jars – which, when carried up to our jungle hideout, gave a moment of complete luxury and abundance)….or another month’s rent……. or…..
the book was called “with compassionate understanding – a meditation retreat ” by steve and rosemary weissman – on the front cover was a beautiful pencil sketch of wat khao tham – the weissmans an american/australian couple who had been offering vipassana retreats at the temple for many years and were, i subsequently found out, legendary on the meditation circuit of south east asia during those years… retreats were strict, traditional and rigorous… following classic buddhist teachings on impermanence, mindfulness, equanimity, compassion…..
my friend and i ran wildly down the track, away from the creepy zombies, away from the deafening silence, back to freedom, to partying, to jungle living, to beer, to travelling, to festivals, to life…….
i dipped into that book, here and there, on and off, sniggering at some of the terms … “lovingkindness” i would splutter into my beer…. “compassionate understanding – pffffff!!!!”
but that is the book that first led me home…
1999
a few years down the track, i am back in thailand after a few years flowing between thailand, nepal and india, having spent precious time studying tibetan buddhism at the wonderful Kopan monastery just outside of kathmandu and at their sister centre in mcleod ganj, north india, i am back in thailand with a very different focus and intent to discover God, Enlightenment, The Truth – i was on The Quest!!! stopping first in thailand on my way back to india, totally committed to becoming a hippie zombie myself, i enrolled in the july meditation retreat and headed up that track once more……
as part of the daily retreat programme, we were all given daily tasks and duties (karma yoga) to complete around the temple – my duty was sweeping the yard in front of the reclining buddha…… a long winding pathway led from the courtyard area at the front of the temple up to a most beautiful peaceful reclining buddha….. i would head up here, several times a day, broom in hand… ready to sweep the leaves, petals, twigs, dust….. the early days of the retreat i would sweep hard and fast, desperate to complete my duties so i could move on to the next item on the programme…. gusts of wind would come along, as if sent by Buddha himself, and with irritation i would sweep over and over again…..
by the end of the retreat, the sweeping was the most beautiful sweet flow of life….. winds came and went… new leaves and petals fell .. piles of swept leaves took flight at my feet … i simply swept ….
nowhere to go….
nothing else to do…
no-one to be….
just sweeping…
and breathing…
and being…..
here now
xxx
